by Daryl Landau
Who am I to say so? I am a mediator; a relationship-saving, crisis-thwarting, cape-wearing mediator.
A mediator is a person (ideally professionally-trained) who is not one of the parties to a dispute or potential dispute. A mediator’s job is to prevent, manage, and resolve dysfunctional conflict. A band’s manager may or may not be able or willing to fill this important role. Think of how a mediator could make a difference in these situations:
· If a band member is going to rant at one of his mates, isn’t it better that he rant to the mediator? The mediator can then coach him on a more effective way to communicate the concern.
· If band members are avoiding a confrontation – like telling a musician that her playing is poor - might the mediator be the right messenger to diplomatically feed that back?
· If the front man is frustrated that no one follows his instructions, could the mediator recommend a better process for decision-making and buy-in?
Creative differences: It’s a creative industry, and subjective ideas about what is ‘good’ music, what the band’s sound and image should be, and who the creators of the music really are, these become the stuff of serious friction. Accusations may begin to fly about ‘selling out’ and ‘lacking integrity’, or ‘being out-of-touch’ and ‘pretentious.’
What to do about creative differences? A mediator can facilitate discussions about the band’s vision and hold people accountable to it. By ensuring that the discussions stay focused on the creative conflict over ideas rather than between egos, the mediator can keep the conversation constructive. A mediator can assist in finding more objective information to counter purely subjective ideas. A mediator can also elicit creative solutions that don’t compromise the integrity of members or require ‘either-or’ positions.
Personalities (and “egos”): Personality differences are the source of tension in any relationship. Given the amount of time band members spend together, little annoyances will eventually become unbearable. Add to that the possibility that the industry attracts its share of strong ego-driven people, and you’ve got the brew for a brouhaha.
What to do about personality differences? A mediator can help reframe negative perceptions into neutral ones (e.g., from ‘lazy’ to ‘laid back’, or ‘arrogant’ to ‘self-assured’), and assist a non-defensive conversation. A mediator can help remind people of the qualities they appreciated in each other, and how their differences often help them fulfill different roles. He can also coach individuals to become more flexible.
What to do about power struggles? For important decisions, a mediator can work with the band on a process, or at least can offer ideas for managing meetings. After all, these are business decisions that ought to be well-considered and not off-the-cuff. For smaller issues that are building up (e.g., how often and where to play gigs, when to rehearse, etc), the mediator can help prevent the loudest and most stubborn person from always getting her way. Will a band leader resent a mediator’s involvement? The mediator should have a gentle touch. He might just draw the leader’s attention to the signs of growing rebellion in the ranks, and help the leader soberly consider her options.
Sharing the money or the limelight: Most people want as much money as they can get, and many people want attention and recognition for their talents. Even though money and limelight don’t need to be zero-sum commodities, they often are seen that way. How profits are distributed becomes symbolic of people’s value to the band and the label. It’s interesting that these issues persist and grow long after a successful band no longer has to scrounge around in obscurity.
What to do about sharing the money or the limelight? A mediator can help negotiate the exchange of value. Not all value money and fame equally. Also, there are other ways to offer value to band members. A mediator can share ideas and contracts that have worked for other bands. A mediator might notice, when a band leader doesn’t, that someone’s feelings are going to get bruised.
Substance abuse or mental illness: The above issues are hard enough to deal with when people are sober and clear-headed. When their perceptions are clouded by drugs or by illness, it is so much more difficult. In music and other creative industries, these problems are even more common.
What to do about substance abuse or mental illness? Since people often deal with things only when they are at their worst, a mediator can help get the conversation going when people are at their best, and hold them accountable thereafter.
What to do about the influence of managers, label execs, or romantic partners: A mediator should have the strategic sense to know when to bring these players into the conversation and when to recommend they stay out. A mediator may make a better messenger to a romantic partner than a fellow band mate.
It is so much wiser to plan in the good times for the inevitable hard times that may come. A good analogy is a bank – call it a trust bank. You can’t just make withdrawals and expect to have anything left. You have to keep depositing trust and goodwill into the relationship. A mediator can remind members of this, and their shared responsibility. A mediator is a team builder who will work on the relationships so that the band can focus on making music.
Daryl Landau of Common Ground is a mediator who helps teams and families to work out their differences. He also lived for a time with a band. He has a Master’s degree in conflict management, is an Accredited Family Mediator, a counsellor and personal coach, and is co-author of “From Conflict to Creativity.” Visit www.common-ground.ca.
Some web sources:
http://www.synconation.com/top-fives/top-5-ugliest-band-breakups/
